Water Boy

Dear Steve, It is going to be really difficult to call you by your given name so you should start responding to the name "Fred" from here on out.  It's just that you look exactly like Fred Savage.  You probably haven't a clue who he is, but he played the role of 13-year-old Kevin Arnold in The Wonder Years back in... Continue Reading →

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Join A Band, Get A Hot Date

If I had more musical talent I would get hotter dates.  This is scientific fact. Take a look at Billy Joel. Phil Collins. Seven Tyler. All fall into the NOT hot category.  If they weren't in the band,  all 3 would be spinning around the Match.com. wheel of unfortunate.  More proof:  Shakira.  She had herself a lawyer until she... Continue Reading →

SWF Looking To Date An Exterminator Or Man With A Cat

Congratulations are in order.  I caught a house mouse. I didn’t catch her by hand or anything.  I didn’t hunt her down with a bow and arrow or miniature rifle.  I caught her with a snap-your-head-off-trap.  The poor thing, she should have chosen the live mouse trap box that was placed mere feet away. Geezus, how many times I’ve chosen... Continue Reading →

I’ve been in this position for 5 long years and I have yet to get a damn promotion.  Not one invitation to “live with me, marry me,or  have my baby,” has been offered.  Thank you for the omission of that last invite.  Dating is a full-time job.  It should require an application and resume and come with decent pay. Single Girl looking... Continue Reading →

Next Time, Try the Free Condoms (you can find them in the trash bin)

I've gotta hand it to Walmart for living up to their new tag line, "save money, live better."  Apparently they're giving out free EPT (Early Pregnancy Test) sticks.  We've all seen the, eh-hem "free" chicken nugget bites, that come in cups-to-go, near the hot deli station.  This pregnancy test stick, however, was a show stopper. Sitting on... Continue Reading →

Girl, You in Heap O’Trouble

Throughout my online dating career I maintained hope in finding a beautiful, funny, kind and compassionate guy with a zest for life that, at the very, least rivaled mine.   However, a far more logical and rational use of reading profile after profile, has surfaced. I’m switching careers from professional dater to writer. Keep an eye out for my first... Continue Reading →

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